Following her advice I called the bad one's "Customer Service", learning I could contact too the neutral mediator if needed - yes, every bank has one, but believe me, LCL doesn't make this kind of information easily available! She had to call the Society Headquarter, and its address was well hidden in the fine lines of one of my contracts...
Customer Service answered 1) that a checkbook had been ordered on Sept.27 (what a coincidence, right when I was shouting at the answering machine...), and will be home on Oct.5, 2) that "litigation account" was just a word for a joint ownership (I'm not a lawyer, but I know better, thanks!)
A few hours later, I received a phone call from the agency director (not the same lady, obviously) who received my registered mail. She hadn't heard of this checkbook and had just ordered another one (how kind everybody can be with you when you turn angry...). Checking, yes, there was a checkbook already ordered, she didn't know, oops. And about the "litigation account" she just didn''t get it, because obviously it CAN'T be so (LOL) and anyway, such accounts can't be accessed through the Internet. Could it be I have hacker's talents w/o knowing it? Ratty must be rubbing on me! And BTW she obtained an appointment for me with the lady in charge of my account. Tomorrow, first hour. Who says that woman's never there, huh?
Now I'm just wondering, do I tell her right on the spot I'm leaving her bank and transfering all my money to BICS? Do I wait for my checkbook, pay my contractor, then go away with the remaining cash? Or just ask her what Mom has to do to take her money away as she asked me? Her portfolio is almost ten times mine ROTFLMAO